It has been such a long time since I have posted anything, I realize that. But every time I think I will write a blog, I get swept up in something random and then I forget until the cycle comes around again! So forgive me, dear reader(s???)... :P These last few months have been somewhat of a blur. Not in the sense that I look back and am foggy about the events that transpired -- not at all. Just in the sense that I look back at the last few months like I would a painting in a gallery. And as I stare, and it all comes into focus, I realize "whoa. this isn't a painting. it's real!"... :)
Most of you reading this are well aware of the adventures that I've had lately, but I don't think that most of you realize just how blessed I feel to have had these milestones and events take place. Therefore I use this today as somewhat of a platform (a secret one, like Platform 9 3/4) to explain a little bit more.
On March 23, something happened to me that, to be honest, I was afraid would never happen. My whole life I have been the chubby, loud girl. I was the one that boys didn't like, but the one that boys were friends with. I hid myself behind my humor because that was a surefire winner. If I was funny, they wouldn't see how chubby I was, or how giant my glasses were. This was not a Hollywood movie, where my glasses would fall off and suddenly the boys would realize my amazing beauty and fall over themselves. On the scale of "The Goonies" to "She's All That", my life seemed to fall somewhere along the lines of "Heavyweights" ("Mother Earth, Father Sky, and dear old Uncle Tony!"). My growing up was a long string of unrequited love, muddled by the ability that I had to become good friends with the boys that I liked. Which made things even more frustrating.
But then, in April of 2011, I met a boy named David. :) And I knew as soon as we closed a coffee shop down on our first date that something was different here. He was sweet, and funny. And he told me, and will still tell me, that he kicks himself for not walking me to my car that first date.
Fast forward almost two years, and he's dragging me out for the day. I'm grumpy, I don't want to play, and I'm just a complete joy to be around (sarcasm on that last one.) After almost two years of talking about it, and hoping for it, I am caught completely off guard when he gets down on one knee and asks me to marry him. When I think about that day, I still see it as watching a movie of someone else's life. But then I look down and see this ring on my finger, or see the wedding binder that Erin made for me, and I realize "this truly is real life."
I'm marrying someone. And not just any someone -- someone who makes me shed all of my insecurities. Someone who I drop all of my walls for. Someone who can make me laugh at the silliest things, who meows back to me when I meow to him, who tolerates my made up words, who builds a garden at our home together, who takes care of Chloe like she is his own... The list goes on and on. The surrealism of this part of my life is still so thick. Sometimes I feel like I will wake up and it will all be a dream... But then I wake up, and see David beside me (usually hogging the entire bed, with Chloe assisting), and realize just how insanely lucky I am. I am so, so blessed. And so, so happy. Chubby Tweetybird wearing shirt Mandy does a little dance inside every time I see him. :)
The next painting that I come to in the gallery of my life is called "España." :) When I was in high school, and began getting further into the Spanish language, I realized just how amazing Spain sounded. I wanted to go there, to live there, to be a part of that culture. Their schedule sounded ideal, their food sounded great, and the history sounded so rich. So I dreamt and dreamt, and dreamt about one day going there. Everyone close to me knew that the one place on the tip top of my list to go to was Spain. And then, a few years ago, I made a plan. I formed a team, and we began dreaming and scheming. And then, just this past month or so, we did it -- we went to Spain. :) I spent 2 weeks in the country of my dreams. And guess what? It was all that I expected it to be and more! It's hard for me to talk about a little, which I know sounds really silly. But it was just so amazing. And it's still so surreal to me. I want to be back there so badly! I had dreams while I was there that I was missing stuff, and that I wasn't getting presents for everyone -- here I am, in Spain, having stress dreams ABOUT Spain. Weird, huh? :) But it was just such a big event for me, that I don't think my heart even fully understood until after I got back! I cried when we touched down in Madrid, and as we flew away, my heart felt so sad, but so ready to be home! And now, I'm ready to go back. :)
It's a strange thing when your dreams come true. It's hard to comprehend, and then now you have to form new dreams to reach for. That's the stage I will be in, after the wedding, that is. For now I'm still trying to get used to calling David my fiance, and saying "for my wedding", or looking at pictures of ME in Spain. :)
The moral of my story is this: I am happy. And I'm still a little bit shocked that it all is happening/happened to me. So pardon me while I live in a fog for awhile. Because if this was the reality of your life (see below), I think you'd live in a fog also. <3
And so I say to you, past Mandy Denise: Hold out. Because your dreams are coming true. And you are going to be so happy when they do that some days you feel as if you may burst at the seams, and confetti will spill out. This may be a good way to feel a little more confident and a little less upset about your chubbiness - you can say "hey, people, it's just confetti that will explode out when my dreams come true! Watch out, world!"
Yeah. That's not weird at all, is it? Maybe keep that one to yourself.