Ground control to Major Mandy... It appears as if lately I have been floating out in space, barely tethered, and not responding appropriately when the command center checks in. (it should be noted, because that's the kind of stuff I love, that I originally actually wrote "commandy" center! haha.. oh man, my brain is funny sometimes!) What's with the space jargon, you may ask? And I'll thank you kindly for asking. It makes this whole thing more like a warm and friendly conversation rather than stark words on the page.
Things have been weird this summer. In an effort to use as many cliches as humanly possible, I can say that life has thrown my family a bunch of curve balls, handed us lemons, "happened", didn't let us grab it by the horns, kept us on our toes, was "a bitch" (but we didn't then die), and had a funny way of happening while we were busy making other plans. I started the summer with every intention to just live in the moment and adopt an attitude of summer. I embraced the outdoors to an extent and didn't shy away from the sun, (which has gotten me a lot of "wow, you look so tan!" comments), I spent time with people I love, I slept in, I ate yummy fruit and drank tasty iced lattes... I just SUMMER'd, if you will.
But while I was doing all of that, and pretending that I was totally tethered down to the ground and standing firmly on both feet, I was, in actuality, floating out in the ether and just plain refusing to acknowledge that I had a bigger mission on earth than I thought I needed to have.
Basically, this was my view for awhile:
There I floated, trying too hard to appear that I was unaffected by a lot of really huge things that were happening in my family (not going into detail, just wanting to talk it out) ... I was telling myself that I could float above and not worry as much about it, because I had David on the other end of the tether, keeping me in place. And I do have that. But I'm learning that even though I'm tethered to a new space station, I'm still connected to the one that I had for so long before, as I should be.
As much as I grow up, and start my own little family unit, my family family will always be who I am. They are the people who I can be totally myself with, who made me myself. And even though it's easier for me to put a wall up and float away when things are rough, as they are right now, I will always be thinking about it. I will always be watching out, listening, caring, worrying, following along. I will always dip in as needed, and take on things that are not mine to take on because it will make things easier on someone else in my family. I will lay awake thinking about it, I will cry, I will get pissed off, I will hang up on people, but I will still love them and they will still be my priority.
And because of this, I find myself slowly floating back down to earth, and staying there. At least this time it's not my giant ego making my head swell and float me into the clouds. :P I will settle down amongst my family and hunker down to weather the storms together -- and it will be ok, I know this. Because we have each other. And in the grand scheme of things, things could always be worse. Sure, they could be better -- or even just more ideal, but who are we to say that things aren't supposed to be this way for awhile in order to teach us a lesson bigger than ourselves?? We aren't. So we sit and wait for the moral at the end of the story, and hope that it's one that we can say "ohhhhh! yes! totally!" in response to hearing it.
And yes, I'm aware the cliche count in this post has been high. Sue me. But seriously, don't. Otherwise I'm blasting off again! :)
Until next time, friends!